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Title
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Cooking full-meals for my family for the first time
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First Name
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Elena
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Current location
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Boston
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Minerva House
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Breazzano
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When this took place
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March 30th - now (because my experience is an ongoing struggle)
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My Experience
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I've been cooking full-meals for my family for the first time without any help and as mundane as that may seem to others, it has been really empowering to provide for my family and feel like in some small way, I am paying them back for all the years they have cared for me..
I'm doing a lot better now than I was last week, but the first month or so of this global situation has been incredibly difficult. The first half of the term was characterized by days of not feeling myself, lacking motivation and any will to care about school anymore, and my self-care habits taking a dive. Social distancing is probably the main reason behind this shift in my mood and mental health. Even though I consider myself an introvert, I still love social interaction and often feel energized by it, so suddenly not being able to physically interact with my friends, or even just strangers, has affected me more profoundly than I could have ever imagined. There's something reassuring and motivating about being in a place with other people that are all different, but are all working towards goals and often dealing with similar problems, and that's what it feels like to be on a college campus. The atmosphere just buzzed with an electrifying energy produced by so many mental gears turning at once and it helped me feel connected to something greater than myself. With online classes, that atmosphere is all but gone, and I grieve that loss every day. I used to love school, but it hasn't been fueling my inner fire lately, and that has made me really sad. To be honest, I am still struggling with this loss of passion and interest, and some days are definitely better than others, but I can say with confidence that since last week, things have been looking up. I think what's really helped me is trying to accept that the quality of the work I am completing now is just not going to look like what I did in the past under normal circumstances. The rules of the game have completely changed and I am working on adapting and understanding that even though my work may not reflect my full potential sometimes, it is enough. This constant internal battle relates specifically to my senior thesis, which I am meant to complete this term. I have been frozen in writer's block with crippling anxiety and insecurity the fast few weeks because I can't bear the idea of it not turning out as good as it could be if I were still on campus. I'm starting to come to terms with the idea that whatever I do and whatever it looks like is going to be okay and I should have faith in my capabilities and trust my resilience. Needless to say, being stuck at home and socially distancing has been one of the hardest challenges I have ever faced, and I know many people can say the same. I keep reminding myself this situation is only temporary, so in the words of one of my favorite George Harrison songs, "it's not always gonna be this gray, all things must pass."
